I preached at our little island church last week. You can find a video link and the text below. My talk, It’s Hard to Love, begins at minute 23 and ends at minute 43. The readings precede it by a few minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/live/IEv8Rqv-EHk?si=1JJpawsQ_2xAKlNz
Here is the text, which I “mostly” followed. I hope you enjoy it!
Sermon, November 12, 2023
Loving Well is Hard
Nathan and Sarah have led us on a powerful journey through Matthew’s stories about how to live well in the end times, as his readers awaited the return of Jesus. Their theme has been Love, that as we wait, we must love and love. As Jesus says to his enemies: You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself. This is not only a Biblical tradition, but can be found in many others as well.
But it is so hard to love that way.! Since we were children, parents, teachers, pastors, billboards and earnest friends have urged us to be kind to others. Even now, as our world is racked by violence and suffering, we are told: Be better! Be generous! Build change! Work for peace!
If it were easy, the world would not operate as it does, but It clearly isn’t. Perhaps I speak only for myself, but frankly, I doubt it. I see lots of powerful healing work in the world, (underreported, for sure), but the angry and nasty seem to prevail, and the injustice and suffering continue.
And a note: because we have drained the word “love” of its depth and power in our thoughtless use of it. I’ve come to prefer “kindness,” but more on that some other time.
So, why do we find it so hard to love each other? Why is it so hard for me, for you? Jesus pushes his point: “Love God with your whole heart and your whole mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
Do you hear the instruction? You must love yourself! That is how to prepare yourself to love your neighbor. (I’m going to leave “loving God” out of this conversation, as it deserves its own talk.)
We aren’t good at loving ourselves, certainly not all of ourselves, without exception. We just don’t. We’ve been taught not to because it’s selfish and egotistical. Well, yes, of course, it certainly can be a reckless ego trip. But we also criticize and judge ourselves. We lose our tempers, exclude others, and ignore and assault them. We carry grudges and lie to ourselves about our intentions. Deep down, we know this isn’t ok. We point to our deep fears and the shame wrapped around them. The truth about our behavior, much of it automatic, is not pretty. Rather than tend to our sore spots, we try desperately to hide all that “crap” from public view. But it doesn’t go away.
That “crap” is lodged in our unconscious, sometimes named “the shadow.” It holds everything about you, both good and bad, that was not acceptable to those around you, as you were growing up. Don’t forget, there are also precious treasures hidden away in that shadow space, among the discards.
The medicine for this? Vast kindness for what is buried there. Compassion for ourselves and our wretched outbursts, our selfish impulses, and the steady criticism of everyone else. Breathe compassion. Breathe understanding and forgiveness to each miserable little piece of yourself now visible to you. Be your own kind healer.
You will feel a shift inside as you practice this. And oh, yes, this is a practice! Like water dripping on a stone, your heart will heal. And that will shift who you are in the world. I assure you, this is true. This works. It is exactly what Ezekiel reports: I will remove your stony heart and give you a natural heart.
Then, it becomes easy to love other people. The Metta prayer, which Sarah will lead us through in a bit, maps the process: first, you send kindness and well- being to people you care for, then to people you barely pay attention to, and finally stretch to include people you actively dislike or fear.
Look gently at a truly obnoxious person, until you can see into that person’s fears and intentions, her life and heart. You might suddenly recognize a new insight about her. You might hear inside you, “I get that person! I do wish for her ease, safety, and comfort.” Your body will relax.
Well done. You are loving someone, sending kindness and holding in compassion and understanding, someone you have disliked or avoided or complained about. Your practice with yourself allows you to begin expanding its reach. It is tough at the beginning, but I promise you, it gets easier and easier. You may find yourself, from time to time, visited by a strange sweetness. No obvious name or source. It will startle you, and then be gone.
This is how I imagine that sweetness. I believe it is possible that the whole universe, the Cosmos, intends (I know: “intention” is a very tricky word) intends for every being in form – you, me, the evil tyrant, the mosquito, and the glorious red pine – are to flourish. The verb “love” then means we too wish every being to flourish, and we are to assist in that flourishing, as best we can. This is the grandest image of the Holy One, of the “love of God,” I can hold in heart and mind.
This is the source of the sweetness, I believe. You offer yourself kindness and forgiveness and then you can feel the deep relief of wishing your cranky, difficult neighbor also to heal and flourish. You do not generate the kindness nor the sweetness. What a relief to recognize the free-flowing, fundamental energy of the Cosmos also flows through your heart, towards yourself and your neighbors. This is to experience the love of God, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the companionship of those whose hearts pour lovingkindness to us and all the universe. I am pretty sure, this is what Jesus meant, when he reminded us, “the kingdom of God, of heaven, is right at hand.” Loving is natural. Loving is mostly easy. It is God’s unknowable energy pouring through each of us into the beloved world.
May each of you have a blessed Thanksgiving, and may there be peace at your table!
With affection and gratitude, Penny
Thank you, Penny 💖
Beautiful, Penny. Thank you for every well thought out and well written word.